I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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