3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
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I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
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I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos