Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm getting married
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.