I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
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I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
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Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms