I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
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i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.