Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
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when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
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We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize