the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?