we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
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Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Let's get the cat blown out
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.