I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.