Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"