I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
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Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
my poor anus
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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