Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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