i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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