So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
