Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
...so i touched it.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
