Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
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it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
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I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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