i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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