I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
