11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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