actually, I'm a sock model
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Randomize
