you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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