two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
