just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
