Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
