I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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