Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
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You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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