Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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