im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize