I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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