I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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