At least make sure they are 18
Why
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
