ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
