i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
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I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
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Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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