I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
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If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
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I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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