Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Randomize
