and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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