I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
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those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
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I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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