that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
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once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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