Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
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i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
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Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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