I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
This baby is an asshole
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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