is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.