um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.