I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
honey bunches of taint.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
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How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
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Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.