New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My balls are so social today.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me