conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"