Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I FOUND THE LEGS
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.