dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk