Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow