I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?