Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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