The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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