I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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