I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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