I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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