You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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