hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize