Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
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There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
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Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.