My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.