Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
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I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
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Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.