You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap