I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand