she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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