Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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