Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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