How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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