I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
