You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
