She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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